New Horoscope: What Kind of Wine Your Drink Tells Your Personality and Your Future

Forget dream analysis and the Rorschach ink blot test. Forget Tarot cards and tea leaves. Forget magnets and crystals. Forget palm reading and Peter Answers. I can predict your personality type and even your future by the type of wine you drink. I can do this with beer styles too, but wine is more accurate and more fun. Remember the Latin ‘In vino veritas’ (In wine is truth.). The new horoscope and all its predictions are there on Mindfulness and justice. You get complete horoscope predictions about your personality and your future along with this what type of wine you drink horoscope.

If you don’t drink wine, that says a lot about you also. We’ll start out with the sweet wines and move on to the dragons blood that I drink.

Teetotaler: You are complex. You avoid strong drink, but it often isn’t for the reasons that you tell people. You are deeper person than you let on. Basically, you don’t trust yourself and you sometimes don’t listen to your own inner wisdom. Fear is your ruling passion. Your icon:

Lambrusco: This wine is so sweet that it’s often used to make 7-11 Slurpees for parents of unruly children to give them in place of Ritalin. If you like Lambrusco, this means that you amiable and non-confrontational. You’d rather light than fight. You want to be thought a wine enthusiast but don’t want the commitment of a good dry red wine hangover. In a debate you’re the first to suggest reconciliation. The perfect occupation for you is that of diplomat or good will ambassador. Your ruling passion is Worry. Your icon? Dan Quayle, Thomas Jefferson

White Zinfandel or Grenache: Starting to get just a hint of fruit here. Slightly risky. And that’s your personality. You’re hiding something in the closet. You long to be a little naughty but still need safe naughty. You don’t want anyone to know about your more outre tendencies. You could be a lot of fun at a party, but alas no one will ever know. That ultra conservative superego will never let you enjoy yourself in anything less tame than the occasional white zin. You have a strong future as an author of romance and spy novels. Diffidence is your ruling passion. Your icon? Prince Charles, Richard Nixon

Pinot Grigio: Tame wine with fancy name. Promises of excitement but woefully bland. A bit of a tease, and then it brings out a prudish reticence. Or maybe you’re just too lazy. Lazy is the definitive word for pinot grigio. Occupation for you: a celebrity or a slutty newscaster. Your ruling passion is laziness. Your icon? Pick one: Brittany, Brad Pitt, Jessica, Kate Gosselin?

Chardonnay: Now you’re beginning to play the big league. Chardonnay perches between sweet red and light white in a nice juxtaposition. If I didn’t love red so much I’d drink Chardonnay. You are a strong person. You are idealistic, resolute and intelligent. You can see life on the other side of the wine fence; the wild dry red wine blow-outs, the table dancing with lampshades. But you are committed to your beliefs and values. I admire Chardonnay drinkers. Ideally you’d be the perfect president, but realistically you’ll probably be a teacher or an activist. Integrity is your ruling passion. Your icon: Gen. Robert E. Lee, Gandhi, Bella Abzug

Pinot Noir: Like the tricksters in mythology: the Norse Loki, the Greek/ Roman Hermes/ Mercury or Anansi the Spider you are a devious one. Like your baby sister Pinot Grigio, you fool people and lead them on. Except you’re all grown up and should know better. After all, you’re a dry red. But you’re also a sort of adult child. You’ve never matured mentally. Your job ideally should be circus performer or carnival ride operator. Unfortunately you realistically ends up being senator, legislator or large corporation owner. Your passion is unreliability. Your icon? Rasputin, Peter Pan, George W. Bush.

Red Merlot: You are a brother. But a half-blood. A bastard. You have the personality of the big Kahunas, but you lack breeding, culture and name. You were born on the wrong side of the blankets. You are nouveau riche. And you’ve got the attitude to prove it. You ‘coulda been something’ if your resentment didn’t get in the way. You c an still make your name. It’s not too late. Your job: bouncer, bookie, astronaut, hero. Ruling passion: ruthlessness and resentment. Your hero? Stanley Kowalski, Rhett Butler, Molly Brown.

Cabernet Sauvignon: You’re the opposite of Red Merlot in many ways. You’ve got the title without the money to support it in the lifestyle that your family was accustomed to. Your nose is in the air and your blood is blue. But you don’t amount to as much as your ancestors did because life’s much more damnably expensive. Your future is unsure. It’s for you to decide. Do you make something of yourself on your own steam or wallow in your misery? Your heroes? Your ruling passion is pride. Roderick Usher or Winston Churchill.

Burgundy: You are the genuine article. Old Etonian. The right stuff. You’re resting on your laurels and why shouldn’t you? You deserve it. Quite right. But if you aren’t careful, you’ll be swept away by a new generation of doers and achievers. Again, fate uncertain. Remain safe or join the fight. Your job? Statesman, banker, family lawyer or maybe Robin Hood? Your ruling passion is stability. Your icon: Neville Chamberlin, JFK

Shiraz: Not in any league that anyone else plays in, you march to another drum beat. Ancient, primeval and oriental. No one has any idea what to expect from you. You are devout and mystical. You hear voices of prophecy and wisdom. You are all times and all places. Your song has yet to be sung; your song to be written. Occupation: prophet, priest, actor,poet. Your ruling passion is truth. Your icon? Chief Joseph, George Washington Carver, Gandaf the wizard, Shakespeare, Confucius.

Happy imbibing.


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